And Now...This is...SEARCH

Even though I've already taken over 100 photos during our field trip outings, I do not have any photos of the SEARCH campus yet. First, because many of you saw the photos I found online when I first found out I got the internship, and it basically looks just like those photos. Second, I don't want to be "that girl" yet, who walks around campus flashing photos of everything. I promise I will try to take some photos of my bedroom, bathroom facilities, dining hall, and working spaces later this week.

When the car arrived at SEARCH, Anand was there to greet me. He was in the middle of talking with some other men, so he quickly said hello, but told me Sona would come to show me around. Sona is from Gadchiroli. She lived and worked at SEARCH back in April and is now here for a longer period, I think something like a year.

Although I was excited to finally have arrived, I also started to feel very panicky as Sona gave me the tour. I think it was the realization that I had finally reached my destination and was about to learn where I would spend the next nine weeks. The first thing we did was walk into the living quarters where she showed me my room. I live in room #4. I was happy for this because 4 has always been my favorite number and I found this to be some good omen. She said I did not have a roommate. I had mixed feelings about this. While it would be nice to have my own space, I was also looking forward to getting to know someone and having someone in the room with me in case I got scared at night (I'm sorta a baby still and afraid of the dark, especially in new surroundings). As soon as we entered the room my heart sank. It's not that the room was different than what I expected, it's just that it was exactly what I expected. It was very bare and harsh. It has white cement walls and ceiling and a classroom tile floor. There is only white flouroescent lighting. There is a built-in counter with two high chairs (that I thought made it look like a beauty salon), a brown table, and a green metal armoire. Sona showed me a special wire you can light if you feel there are mosquitos in your room. I put my backpack, purse, Whole Foods bag (with my granola bars), and shopping bags down on the bed. The first thing I saw was a gecko between the window and screen. "Ooooh," I said. I wasn't afraid, I actually like seeing newts and geckos, but this one was a little beefy and I was surprised to see it almost in my bedroom. "Now let's not get too afraid of anything," said Sona. Those were her exact words. Little did I know what else there was to be afraid of.

She then walked me over to the Research Building, which is a nice open building of two rooms. In the front room sit all the older Indian men who do research on old computers, and in the back room sit all the Americans and young Indian interns on laptops. I met four of the younger interns. Two were girls around my age from the U.S. At the time, I couldn't retain any of their names. I was still in shock from the bedroom and I was feeling anxious.

Next, Sona showed me the prayer hall where she said there is a mandatory prayer every evening at 6:45pm. She told me that I did not have to go on my first day there if I preferred to rest, but that dinner would be at 8pm and she would wake me. Sona then showed me the administrative building where more older Indian men sit and do fancy things related to the SEARCH campus and the hospital it runs.

On the way back to the living quarters she showed me the dining/mess hall where all meals were kept. It is situated directly across from my living quarters She said there was still lunch out, but I told her I wasn't very hungry and preferred to sleep. There were many other buildings on the campus that I did not see on the tour, some of which I have come to learn about (the library, the conference room, many many more living quarters and permanent housing, the "open air" room, and the store/pharmacy) and other buildings that still remain a mystery to me.

There was one thing I still wanted to see. I asked Sona to show me the bathroom facilities. I actually asked, "Is there a bathroom or bathing facilities?" She took me down an outdoor hallway past my room to a darkened hallway. All the doors were closed. She said on the left there were three showers and on the right were the toilets. We opened up the door to the first and my heart sank again. A squat toilet. Again, I wasn't surprised. I had thought very much about the potential of using squat toilets and it even came up in a discussion at the study abroad orientation I went to at UNC that was targeted towards students traveling to third world countries. In the time before I left for India I had meant to email and ask about the bathing facilities, but when the visa wasn't working out I never emailed. Then, by the time I received my visa, with just one week to go, I figured I would assume the worst, and wait and see when I arrived. The ground around the toilets looked filthy and it was very stinky. Although there were shower heads in the showers it appeared that you were expected to use the spigots to fill up a large bucket and clean yourself by using a smaller liquid-measuring-cup type bucket to scoop up the water. I was hit with a wave of fear. How was I going to live here. In addition, it was dark, damp, and buggy.

I decided to let these thoughts settle in my mind. I felt exhausted, physically and emotionally, and I wanted to be alone. I told Sona I would take my nap and I went into my room. I sat on the bed. Plumpph! The bed was hard. I stood up and lifted up the sheet. It was barely a bed. It was a wood frame with a one inch bed cushion just hinging on being called a mattress. It felt very stiff. I sat back down and took some deep breathes. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't just leave, but I didn't think I could stay. I was glad to see the other Americans in the Research building, but I started to seriously question if I was meant to be here. I didn't have much time to think about it though, because I had the strong urge to pee, and that meant I was going to have to use the bathroom.